i would punch a child for taco bell
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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