He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
