I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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