Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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