i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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