I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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