Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
