apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is Oprah even human
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
