I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
