so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
