your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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