I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
