i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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