My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
