I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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