Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize