my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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