she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
