Im at strip club and am horny
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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