i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if only i could text you this smell
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
