I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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