i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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