Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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