How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
