new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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