tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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