You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
