I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
