I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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