I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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