and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
