I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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