Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
