So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
