6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
