Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
