What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
