Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize