Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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