you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
