Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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