i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups