just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
