ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.