i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."