Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
