ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
