Texts From Last Night

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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.

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  (256): I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them. http://tfl.nu/zwx2
  Replies (31) Good night (1373) Bad night (5354)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm rooting for #1.

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  (270): possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th. (618): I'm rooting for #1. http://tfl.nu/ip6m
  Replies (37) Good night (4765) Bad night (1760)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer

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  (401): The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer http://tfl.nu/75f3
  Replies (11) Good night (3413) Bad night (1234)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.

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  (570): He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander. http://tfl.nu/mcls
  Replies (5) Good night (1392) Bad night (754)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"

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  (508): Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!" http://tfl.nu/hrv9
  Replies (6) Good night (2111) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.

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  (781): MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/90bv
  Replies (14) Good night (2091) Bad night (611)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.

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  (301): ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED. http://tfl.nu/hc30
  Replies (7) Good night (944) Bad night (593)
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  (626): View more from California

  wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?

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  (626): wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex? http://tfl.nu/tokd
  Replies (10) Good night (983) Bad night (767)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.

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  (719): As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF. http://tfl.nu/ti4u
  Replies (3) Good night (1226) Bad night (607)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?

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  (360): Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork? http://tfl.nu/kwvt
  Replies (3) Good night (1043) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.

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  (517): Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night. http://tfl.nu/6sjb
  Replies (4) Good night (583) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.

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  (310): My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever. http://tfl.nu/d22o
  Replies (6) Good night (3425) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!

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  (805): Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well! http://tfl.nu/91dr
  Replies (3) Good night (618) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?

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  (320): how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back? http://tfl.nu/ycg3
  Replies (13) Good night (976) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....

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  (248): I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him.... http://tfl.nu/0ivu
  Replies (0) Good night (389) Bad night (356)

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