We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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