Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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