Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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