Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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