she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think your dad took our porno
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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