I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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