problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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