do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
