Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
