Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
