i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
