I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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