This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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